Party for Zohran
We should go to more leftist things
I was at Arielle’s place the Sunday morning of the Oscars hitting her weed vape and watching The Simpsons and giving her a noncommittal answer to whether I was going to come to an Oscars watch party with some of her friends later that evening, and that’s when she mentioned the Zohran Mamdani event with all the podcasters and downtown clout people. What? I asked. Yes, that’s also tonight, she said. The downtown clout people and the dashing anti-Zionist DSA-member New York State Assembly representative who’s now running for Mayor? How did I miss this invite? She pulled up the stuff about the event on her phone. PARTY FOR ZOHRAN. NIGHTCLUB 101. A panel including Aria Dean[i] and Brace Belden[ii] and Josh Citarella.[iii] Hosted and sponsored by Ergot Records[iv] and Chapo Trap House[v] and Ben Mora[vi] and Café Forgot[vii] and Rowan Blanchard[viii] and Noah Kulwin[ix] and the Whitney Review[x] and Kaitlin Phillips.[xi] That was what the flyer said. Those were just the names that I recognized. I was dazzled by the clout bomb. What a coalition! There would even be an Oscars watch party hosted by Will Menaker. I knew I couldn’t pass this one up. I had figured it was time to check in on what the Left has been up to. But the Zohran event was sold out. I texted Noah asking if he could get me in. He said he was getting on a plane to California and wouldn’t be there, but if I got there when the doors open I should be good. Perfect. I had to get going. Arielle was understanding, I think. I had a mission. It’s for my writing, for the future of literature. Politics is back. Yes, maybe there will still be a future after all… I left her place and went home, where I swapped my ironic RealTree camo hat for the dusty Phrygian cap in my closet and got ready to go downtown.
I got to Nightclub 101 on time but there was already a big line around the block. I texted Nick Dove[xii] if he wanted to join me in line and take pictures of the event for the post I’d write about it. He was a few blocks away and about to read his poems at KGB,[xiii] but he could pop in for a bit. As I waited in line I overheard people both behind and ahead of me mentioning their Ivy League friend networks. I was impressed but also a little intimidated. Such well-educated and respectable people tend to be above the typical fascist stupidity, so perhaps they’d make decent administrators of a future communist state, but they also tend to be the most disdainful of my work and personality. I’ll win them over somehow, eventually. The reactionary decadents, who are dumber, are much easier to impress. Their whole vision revolves around making themselves into grotesque characters and living life as a work of performance art. By contrast, respectable intellectuals are generally disgusted by the notion of living one’s own life as a work of performance art, instead they prefer engaging with the realm of “ideas” and refuse to be perceived as “characters.” It would be best to lay low here.
In line, I hallucinated a vision of the future where Zohran won an upset victory over Andrew Cuomo, the ghoulish collaborator now favored to win the election. It’s one triumph in a nationwide left resurgence that decisively disrupts the hegemonic genocidaires now running the Democratic Party. Patriots in control. The people hosting this Nightclub 101 event are in positions of power. Brace Belden appointed chief of police. Broadway flush in a sea of red flags. Congestion pricing is brought back. The trains and buses run on time. And like housing, they’re free. Enormous murals are commissioned to commemorate the revolution. The collaborator bourgeoisie and all the mediocre poets flee the city, which is quickly turning into a heaven on earth. Alas—at Sovereign House’s[xiv] new DC location (Sov’s new DC location is a fixture of my hallucinations lately) Elon Musk and Erik Prince and the DOGE boys and New Criterion writers and Claremont Institute fellows ogle hideously bimbofied MAGA grifters and make plans to siege the Commune. They’ve decided that it’s prudent to put Eric Adams back in power. The monstrous Trump sends his legions to quash the nascent utopia. The Communards put up a brave yet doomed defense. Soon we’re all lined up facing the firing squads outside City Hall, the air thick with death and gunpowder, blood in the streets up to our ankles. This is it! That’s how the Crumpstack ends… I’m like Jarosław Dąbrowski, I’ve finally silenced the doubters and proven my loyalty to the revolution, slaughtered by a gang of cross-eyed chud federales licking their lips with satisfaction that us “antisemites” are getting what we deserve… Or is it? Maybe I could still find a way to shamelessly escape that fate… I can’t determine if my fantasy is to die or to cheat death…
Dove got there as I was getting closer to the front of the line. “This is an interesting crowd,” he said, “We should go to more leftist things. Surely there’s a way to do the whole ‘accursed poet’ bit without orbiting the forces of reaction, hierarchy, and repression.” I had seen Dove the night before. Arielle and I ran into him and Max Realityspammer[xv] and Sam Venis[xvi] at a noise show and we all went to Kiki’s afterwards. Everyone was saying that Kiki’s “isn’t what it used to be,” but it was my first time there so I wouldn’t know. After Kiki’s Arielle and I went back to Brooklyn with Sam and in the car they talked about Judaica and the unfortunate Yiddish misprint in her latest zine and deep lore about what things are and aren’t kosher and why. Dove and Realityspammer stayed out, and while we waited in the line for Zohran Dove filled me in on what had happened the rest of his night. He went to Clando and at Clando he met a cougar who took him back to her place somewhere in Chinatown, or rather it wasn’t her place but the place of some friend of hers where she was staying, a rich friend, someone who had won an Emmy. Dove showed me a picture of the Emmy. Very cool. She was very lovely, he added. She taught him some wisdom in the art of lovemaking, an essential aspect of the idea of life itself as a work of art. He was shivering. He hadn’t been home to his own place since the previous unusually-balmy day, and now he’s unprepared for the sudden chill that just pulled in.
Once we finally got to the front of the line we were turned away at the door. It was hopeless. They didn’t care that I said I was “the press,” and no amount of namedropping could get us in. We’d never know what riveting ideas Zohran and Aria Dean and Brace Belden and Josh Citarella would discuss at their panel. Damned exile... We left with what little remained of our dignities. I’ll even still vote for the guy. We weren’t hotshots, we were just some miserable bastards. And we were cold. Let’s get a beer, I said, and we went to Niagara across the street, which kinda sucks but not enough to avoid at all costs. There was a punk show going on inside. Dove had given up on writing a new poem for the KGB reading and decided he was just going to read an old one. To make things worse, Emilia Perez went on to get swept by Anora in the Oscars. I had been rooting for Emilia Perez. I watched the first 40 minutes of it at Arielle’s and that was enough to convince me it was the best movie of the year, aside from Megalopolis, so no need to see the rest of it. But the real reason I wanted it to win was that its many Oscar nominations were considered such an outrageous insult to cinema itself, a haughty and sinister art form that I want to see disgraced for a number of personal reasons I won’t get into here.
[i] “American artist, writer, and curator known for her interdisciplinary work that critically examines race, abstraction, power, and representation.”
[ii] “American podcaster and union activist who volunteered to serve with the People's Protection Units in the Syrian Civil War.”
[iii] “An artist and internet culture writer from New York City who studies online communities.”
[iv] “Small, densely packed store with a varied selection of new and used records, plus tapes and books.”
[v] “Chapo Trap House is a popular American podcast known for its irreverent, often satirical, and left-wing political commentary. The show was created by a group of writers and podcasters who were part of the broader "Dirtbag Left" movement. The podcast gained significant attention for its critical and often humorous take on American politics, especially the Democratic Party, neoliberalism, and the broader political establishment.”
[vi] “A podcaster and former staffer for Bernie Sanders' presidential campaign who was reportedly terminated after private tweets from an anonymous account were revealed. These tweets contained critical remarks about other political figures, including one about launching Hillary Clinton into outer space.” IMDb: “Credited as an actor known for his roles in productions such as "Killers" (2016) and "Chapo Trap House" (2016).”
[vii] “A New York City-based fashion boutique. Recognized for its curated selection of avant-garde clothing and accessories, often featuring one-of-a-kind pieces that blur the lines between fashion and art, providing a platform for young, emerging designers to present their work to a broader audience. Café Forgot has also engaged in notable collaborations, such as with Sanrio, resulting in unique items like the Hello Kitty x Café Forgot Ballet Socks.”
[viii] “American actress and activist. Known for her roles in the Disney Channel series "Girl Meets World" (2014–2017) and in films such as "Spy Kids: All the Time in the World" (2011) and "A Wrinkle in Time" (2018).”
[ix] “American writer and journalist known for his in-depth analysis of politics, technology, and culture. Co-hosts the podcast "Blowback," which revisits historical events to provide context to contemporary issues.”
[x] “A literary magazine with a fresh perspective on literary criticism, featuring author interviews, literary essays, and other content that reflects contemporary literary culture. The magazine's launch events have garnered attention within the literary community, attracting notable authors, literary enthusiasts, and cultural influencers.”
[xi] “American publicist and writer, recognized for her influential presence in the city's cultural and social scenes. She has collaborated with prominent brands such as A24, Burberry, Prada, and the renowned Lower East Side restaurant Lucien.” According to Artnet: “the possibly ‘fascist-adjacent’ super publicist who represents the downtown art world’s coolest stars for free.”
[xii] “A New York City-based photographer and self-described ‘hustler-auteur.’”
[xiii] “A Soviet-era themed bar and literary venue located at 85 E. 4th Street in Manhattan's East Village. Established in 1993, the bar has become a significant cultural spot, hosting regular reading series and literary events. Before its current incarnation, the building housed the Palm Casino, a speakeasy controlled by Lucky Luciano. From 1948 to 1988, it served as a private social club for communists and socialists. Drawing inspiration from the Soviet-era memorabilia found within the building, KGB Bar opened in 1993 and quickly became a popular venue for literary readings. KGB Bar is typically open from 5 pm to 1 am daily, but it's advisable to check their official website or contact them directly for the most current information.”
[xiv] “Sovereign House is a cultural event space located in New York City's Dimes Square neighborhood, established in 2023. The space has gained attention for its eclectic and sometimes controversial events. For instance, on election night in 2024, Sovereign House hosted a gathering that attracted a diverse crowd, including individuals with right-wing and cryptocurrency interests. The event featured unique elements such as attendees wearing ‘I'm immune to propaganda’ trucker hats and showcased the venue's role as a hub for unconventional and dissident artists. In addition to its cultural events, Sovereign House has been associated with figures like tech entrepreneur Peter Thiel, who has supported events promoting ‘antiwoke’ sentiments. This connection highlights the venue's position within a broader cultural and political context.”
[xv] “Maxwell S. Foley, known online as "Reality Spammer," is a creative professional with a presence on multiple social media platforms.”
[xvi] “Brooklyn-based writer, reporter, and strategist originally from Toronto. He currently writes the newsletter ‘Technical Personae’ and collaborates with startups and executives on narrative strategy, brand positioning, cultural manifestos, and growth initiatives.”